The Rewards of Lonely Exile

Most of the time when I attend the AUUF I am moved to tears at least once during the service. Today it was three or four times.

When I served as a minister in the PC(USA) there was distance between the congregation and its ministers. The most powerful symbol of this distance was the fact that ministers are members, not of the congregation, but of the presbytery (like a UU district).

Even so, I was part of a community. There were Wednesday night dinners, conversations over cookies after Sunday services, Monday night Bible studies, Saturday night volleyball at the Y (we always lost).

But then came exile. Partly self-imposed. Mostly because I could no longer be my true self within the Presbyterian system.

Exile, in my case, has been very productive. For a while now I've known that the desert hast taught me not so much what I believe, as what I do not believe. But today I came to understand a second lesson of exile. It has taught me to value community.

Every time I cry during the AUUF service, it is connected to a deep longing for home.

I hope that this is a lesson that I never forget--particularly if I become a minister within the UUA. I want to remember what it feels like to treasure every face in the gathered congregation, every warm body in my family of choice.